The Bare Perspective

Somewhere to put my thoughts down

My dear friend… Pt. 2

I don’t like funerals. I really don’t like funerals. I realized how much I don’t like them when I couldn’t get out of the car. I sat in my car, in the parking lot, for a good 20 minutes before I drove away. I drove about 5 miles before I decided to flip around and try it one more time.

Take 2. What’s worse than a funeral? I will tell you, Going to one alone. With all my will I tried to leave again,but I couldn’t. I had to go in. My sense of reason spoke too loud to ignore. Although it initially felt like torture, I knew i had to do it…for me.

It was beautiful, touching, and quite healing. What a great man who was loved and adored by so many. I feel lucky to have known him. Although we lost touch over the last few years, my life was still molded by his beautiful soul.

I met him at a monumental time in my life. He taught me to be true to myself. He supported me as I was. He had a heart of gold and i always felt safe in his presence. He was fun, a jokester most of the time. Behind that sweet smile and beaming eyes was a prankster waiting for a chance. What a man. God, what a man. A man I am blessed to have known. A man the world was lucky to have. During the service I looked around and saw many faces that confirmed this truth.

I am not a religious girl. Spiritual, yes..but religious, not so much. I have my ideas about the “afterlife,” but I have just as many doubts. I am a logical person and logic tends to interfere.

Suicide. What a thing…. A thing that many don’t want to talk about, but I do. It’s too prominent to ignore. There is so much stigma attached to the action. I used to buy into it, but not anymore. I have seen too many great souls commit suicide. I don’t see eternal damnation…. I see forgiveness. We all mess up. We all make poor decisions. Hell, who is even to judge that the decision was poor? Not me. I won’t… I can’t.

I love you C.C.J. Thank you for everything.


My dear friend…

Memories crash down over the hours

Your heart beats on with the clock on the wall

All the memories, my mind devours

All the times when I said nothing at all

I leave you all my love, with these flowers

I know God saw the man behind the tears

Your memory will always bring me joy

The back porch, cigars, over those careless years

Your laughter echoes loudly through my ears

Your fragile heart, not even this will destroy

Did life betray you?

Were you drowning in your fears?

I wonder now what happened over those years

Your crooked smile will live on in my heart

Something so pure can never be forgotten.


Who are They anyway?

A recent study reported in the Pediatrics Journal denies any evidence that the HPV vaccine increases sexual activity in youngsters. What a relief! I was really worried that the vaccination was going to turn all the innocent little 11-12 years old girls into crazy promiscuous sluts.

I don’t have a daughter, but if I did I would never give her the HPV shot.  Not because I am afraid that it would turn her into a sex-crazed monster, but because of my concern of her dropping dead or coming down with meningitis.

I have zero trust for the Pharmaceutical companies. I am sure they started with good intentions way back when, but somewhere down the line they have been blinded by greed and burdened with corruption. I believe for the most part they do more harm than good. If they kept us all in good health they wouldn’t be raking in loads of cash… So, I choose to say no to the Big Pharma. I don’t trust them to keep my best interest in mind. It’s fine though because I will keep my best interest in mind. I will take care of myself.

What pisses me off is when companies like Monsanto come around and want to take away my right to know what is in my food. I don’t know what the benefits of the GMO are for Monsanto. It may be a way of increasing the sales of Roundup, they may have made a deal with Big Pharma (I will make them sick, you make them better. Win-win), or maybe they just want us all dead. I don’t know. I do know that the shit scares me. I hear day in and day out how God didn’t intend for me to be a lesbian. Gotcha. Did he intend for food to be genetically modified in a lab? Why focus so much on the gays? Our relationships aren’t going to hurt you, but that food on your dinner table probably will. I understand though, distraction is exactly what “they” want.  “They” want us distracted so that things like Prop 37 can slide by unacknowledged or misunderstood.  If the distractions stopped and the issues were thrown out on the table for all to see, I have no doubt in my mind that Prop 37 would pass. Why wouldn’t we want our food labeled? It would respect our right to choose.  But this isn’t about us; this about Monsanto and all his comrades knowing that us knowing would be bad for business.  Scandalous. But we can’t honestly expect more from them.  We can’t change them, but we can change us.  We can wake up and realize that they aren’t watching out for us.  We need to take care of ourselves and the rest will fall into place. We, as a whole, need to open our eyes. Start asking questions; stop believing that “they” have your best interest in mind.  It is that blind trust that has given them all this power. It’s time to take back our power.

Anyway, I don’t know where I am going with all this. So I will end here and leave you with this.

Life is good :)

Life is great.  I woke up to an exciting email this morning.  I won the lottery!! 150,000 British pounds won in a game I don’t even remember playing.  How neat is that? I will tell you, it’s neat enough to put a little pep in this lady’s step.

As I was sipping my coffee and contemplating all the ways I could spend my newly discovered fortune, I received another blessed email from Mrs. Sarah Moses. $10.5 million. Seriously! It took me a few minutes to let that one sink in. I read it again, looked away, checked again and YES… it says $10.5 million. My UPS package has just cleared customs and is sitting in the back of a truck somewhere in Kentucky. All I need to do is send all of my personal information, wire a measly $150 to Mrs. Sarah Moses’ account and voilà. Done.

I woke up this morning with $37 in my bank account and by 8am I was $10,650,000 richer.  THAT is a great wave of emotion my friend.  While I sat there soaking in that flood of emotion my phone buzzed. I shit you not, it was another email.  Ms. Cathy Moyo wants to share her $22,000,000 with me. She is willing to give me 35% if I help her recover her $22 million from a bank account in Johannesburg. The poor lady is on house arrest in Zimbabwe.  They have confiscated her property and frozen all her accounts. Although $7.7 million is tempting, I decided that based on her story she is probably a criminal and I can’t get involved in international crime at this time.

So yeah… I’m rich and it feels pretty damn good.

Aside from becoming filthy rich over night, life is really great! I feel like my life is rapidly changing and for the first time, I have complete control. I feel like I am finally taking the advice I have spent years giving. I am finally applying the principles that I have preached, and its working wonders. I have been working on forgiving myself and moving on. It’s easy to get caught up in the past and lose the present. The present moment is a beautiful thing and it’s truly a gift. I am starting to see that every moment is an opportunity to start something new and create something different for myself. I have stopped looking at everyone as a predator and everything as a competition. I am paying less attention to my fear and working on accepting and showing more love for everyone and everything around me. They are not the enemy. My ego is my only enemy. I am starting to realize that every defense mechanism I came up with as a child has become the culprit of most of the problems that I have encountered as an adult. I am dropping my guard and just love and let love. That is really all there is, love and the lack thereof.

Finish > start

I made a pact with myself to start making some positive changes in my life.  I wanted to bump myself out of this routine rut of a life that I was finding myself in day in and day out. I want to be happy, healthy, and… different. I see something different for my life.

It started with smoking.  After 8 years of smoking and countless attempts at quitting I am finally 37 days without a cigarette (cold turkey) and feeling very confident that I am truly done with them.

I then jumped into a 28-day sans Facebook cleanse which I am currently on day 15 of.  I replaced Facebook with books and am currently finishing up an excellent book on human communication and interaction How to Win Friends and Influence People. From this book a few more challenges surfaced. I am working on criticizing and complaining less, complimenting more, and remembering peoples names. I have a horrible track record with remembering names, but I am determined to turn it around.

After that I decided to rid my life of my second most disgusting habit, biting my nails.  Like smoking, I have had countless failed attempts at quitting this disturbing nervous habit.  Today it has been about a week and a lot of consciousness, and I have nails! Knock on wood.

Next there was the 28-day Meatless Madness Challenge which was born after watching the documentary Forks over Knifes. A burning desire to see how I would feel with a meatless diet emerged and I persuaded my girlfriend to participate in this one; we are on day 4.

Then there was the 14-day alcohol abstinence agreement between my girlfriend and I…   This is by far my least favorite which probably means it is the most needed.  We are on day 3.

As I was going over in my head what I can and cannot do today I realized that the key to the “change” I am craving is much deeper than these little “challenges”.  I can keep all these challenges easily if I stay focused. I need to see them through to the end… that is my biggest challenge.  I need to stay focused and not get distracted by the next best thing. Easier said than done. I am great at setting goals.  One moment I am very involved and dedicated to them and the next I am bored and setting new and better goals. Or worse, I just wake up one day and go on with life as if it never happened.

It’s extremely frustrating.

I have started many great things in my life, but I have finished very few.

So, here’s to finishing what I have started…. Cheers.

A little too much truth for comfort…

Trust me, we are doing just fine…

This picture/comment combination is quite controversial to say the least, but it made me think. I respect people and I respect that they will have their own opinions about things. We are all entitled to our own opinion. Sometimes you just need to agree to disagree and move on. However, when I see people putting so much energy into spreading hate and discrimination it shocks me. What happened to the Ethics of Reciprocity?

The Golden RuleOne should treat others as one would like others to treat oneself.

The Law of One?  “We are all one. When one is harmed, all are harmed. When one is helped, all are healed”

This is one of the greatest lessons I learned as a child. I didn’t learn it through a religion, but the idea is most definitely found within many religions..

“Every religion emphasizes human improvement, love, respect for others, sharing other people’s suffering. On these lines every religion had more or less the same viewpoint and the same goal.”

 The Dalai Lama

Buddhism teaches, “Treat not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.”

Confucianism says, “One word which sums up the basis of all good conduct: … loving kindness. Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself.”

Taoism teaches, “Regard your neighbor’s gain as your own gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.”

Click here for more examples.
I guess the point that I am trying to make is that the objectives of people today are all sorts of fucked up. It’s a dog-eat-dog world and humanity is getting torn apart. If my marriage to a woman was going to do you harm, then go ahead and make a law against it. It’s not going to though; chances are, the day I say I do- you won’t even notice a difference in your world. By not allowing me to get married because you think it’s wrong, you stomp all over my world and crush my dreams. Who gave you that right? Perhaps you are protecting me from my sins? Well don’t bother. I, like you, am capable of making my own decisions. I know what’s best for me. Trust me, I don’t agree with all your decisions…but I don’t try and take your choice away. Why don’t you stop worrying about who I sleep with and start worrying about you and your life. I am willing to bet that you aren’t perfect.  So how about you take all this energy and put it toward you and your family. Leave it up to me to worry about me and my family.  Trust me, we are doing just fine.

As a society, our priorities are pretty out of whack.  I can’t figure out why “gay marriage” can get so much attention and yet the real issues are ignored or placed on the back burner.  What about all the homeless families and hungry children? Domestic violence? Rape? Drug, sex and labor trafficking? The economy? Unemployment? Poverty? Corporate greed? Political corruption? Wars? Drug use, abuse & addiction? Bullying? Climate change? Deforestation? Depression? Suicide? All these issues are occurring around us and you are worried about who I want to marry? Seriously, in a world that is filled with so much evil and hate we can’t really afford to limit love.

Live and Let Love.

I couldn’t help myself…this is great.

a pilgrim's lens

Posts have all been more on the serious side as of late. Which means a less Siri-ous post is way overdue. So…here is the visual layout of my very convoluted relationship with Siri. We’re working through our issues but I think it’s going to take some time.

Because as you can see… sometimes she’s really fickle.

She can be very insecure…She avoids talking about her past a lot.She kind of struggles to maintain a good sense of humor.She doesn’t seem to know how to receive compliments, and barely knows how to return them either.Once in a while she can be easygoing.But I’m not sure we have the same worldview, on a lot of levels.There are times when I catch her talking to herself, and it makes me wonder.
She doesn’t seem comfortable being honest with me.Sometimes she is borderline cocky.
Other times, she…

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Happy Pills

Norah Jones new song “Happy Pills” is the shit.

I was jamming out to my usual Pandora station when my co-worker (whom I share a 25 x 25 office with) comes sneaking in.

8:40. What’s new? It’s all good I had it covered.

Then after a few minutes my vibe is thrown off by a clutter fuck of sound. She has started blasting what is fundamentally the SAME Pandora channel just on a different mix. Same genre. same artists. same songs. different order.

Thankfully my headphones were within arms reach.

I could use a happy pill just to take this sour look off my face. She does this just to get to me… 10 minutes later she turned it off.

I grew up around guys, always had guy friends, only had brothers. I don’t get along with most girls on a friendship/acquaintance level. I don’t understand them and unless I am dating them, I don’t care to put much effort into trying to. I would much rather be around guys. Luckily outside of this office door there are only men.. but inside this little office it can feel like a war zone. Half of my motivation for getting my MBA and getting promoted is to move down the hall. I am mostly a very easy going person, I get along with most everyone and I am generally optimistic and happy…but some people push my buttons.

My co-worker in particular is a very.complicated.person.

God help me.

Anyway, check this out…

That has got to be my favorite Album cover….ever.


I am really digging the style of Norah Jones’ new CD; particularly the sounds heard in “Say Goodbye” and “Happy Pills”

She is coming here to Salt Lake City this month! I will be in Brazil… I guess that’s nothing to complain about. Now I just have an excuse to take a trip to see her another time.

Anyway, serenade your ears with this beauty…

Do it anyway…

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

-Found written on the wall in the home of Mother Teresa for the children of Calcutta.

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